Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Making an effort in the last of 2014 to cut away distractions so I can spend more time with my iPhone.
In honor of St. Patrick`s Day, I`m going to create a hybrid of a four leaf clover and poison ivy and give myself a rash of good luck
I knew you were coming so I baked a cake ... It was delicious.
You know you`re single when the only calls you get at night are Nature`s.
Take your age. Subtract 3. Then add 3. That is your age.
If you can’t afford to go on vacation, you can always drink until you don’t know where you are!
I don`t care if it`s a kidnapping/murder; if you tell me a monkey will be involved, I`m 97% more likely to participate.
You just don’t see enough people being taken away in straight jackets anymore.
Happiness is using an ATM and finding a receipt left by someone with an account balance lower than yours.
The only time I hit the panic button on my car keys is accidentally, and the only person who panics is me.
I can`t remember if I have any repressed memories.
To the person who stole my antidepressants..I hope you`re happy now!!!
Just once I want my boss to assume I`m tired in the morning because I fight crime all night, not because of all the booze I drank.
Word for today: Dipshidiot
*sigh* the cop at the front door is never a stripper when you need it to be