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I just bought a new pair of sunglasses for whoever finds them in 3 weeks.
If you are having anxiety over something you`ve said or done, just remember that 90% of the world only cares what you look like.
If she can cook like her mother and drink like her father, she`s a keeper.
Always wonder why do people even bother making good quality pinatas?
"Lets all put our phones down and talk with each other.." - Someone who has run out of phone battery.
If I had any self control I`d probably eat that too.
I’m great at remembering names. I just don’t remember which one’s yours.
Only a few years ago, the average parents had four children. Nowadays, the average child has four parents.
Wisdom for the day is , hot cheetos are not breakfast.
I`m not saying I can perform miracles or anything, but when the Taco Bell employee isn`t looking,, I can turn water into Sprite.
Happy Birthday to someone I would donate some non-essential organs to, and the fact that a Facebook reminder told me it was your birthday doesn´t make it any less special. Plus I live so far away that your birthday requires almost no effort on my part. And sorry I tried to kill you all those times when we were
Taken names of employees from various stores and calling in sick for them, just to make it feel like I have a job. . .
I think 90% of the software on my computer doesn`t do anything except send me notices that there`s a new version of it!
If you love something,, let it go..... That`s EXACTLY what I`ve done with my body....
If at first you don’t succeed, try doing it the way I told you to.