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I love the way everyone who uses hand sanitizer looks like they`re hatching some kind of evil plan.
If someone says you used too much butter or cheese on something, stop talking to them. You don`t need that kind of negativity
Happy Hallogivemas!!!!!! It`s the time of year when the stores sell Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas stuff all on ONE aisle!
I need a new refrigerator ... There`s no food in mine.
You haven`t really made it until people start using your name as a verb.
I ate a shepherd`s pie for lunch. He was pretty upset about it.
I would be a great procrastinator ... if I could ever get around to it.
I thought eyelashes were meant to keep stuff out of your eye but half the time there is anything in my eye its an eyelash!
I carry a permanent marker just in case someone without a mustache falls asleep.
Bran flakes. Helping pants fit better for over 100 years.
You never know what you have until you clean your room.
I started drinking a little early. Yesterday, to be more precise.
Does swimming in debt count as cardio?
Why does McDonalds call it a drive thru when you have to drive AROUND the building?
According to the customer service, the cable guy should be here sometime between 10:00 a.m. and the return of Christ.