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Do you really know me or am I just an idea that you`ve built in your head?
I just ran 3.5 miles in 30 minutes! Ha! Just kidding, I ate some ice cream.
Some days your the bug; some days your the windshield.
If I pay $30 for a haunted house I better die.
So I was looking at my boyfriends facebook page and saw a ton of girls saying they love him. He`s obviously cheating on me. We are so over Zac Efron.
Ladies, if he calls you crazy, don`t get upset. Crazy girls are better in bed so take it as a compliment. But stab him, just in case...
My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
Unless you fell off the treadmill and smashed your face, nobody wants to hear about your workout.
Do you know what this house is missing? A box of $#!+, Let`s get a cat.
In hell you`re always trying to spread butter that`s too cold.
Tarantulas make great pets because when they die, rather than grieving you`ll feel an almost overwhelming sense of relief
Finding a date on the internet is so much easier than real life because how are they supposed to know that`s not your Ferrari?
i wasnt tht drunk u was holding a ballon thinking it was a comdom
I always learn from mistakes of others, who took my advice.
Sometimes when you first meet someone you just know you want to spend the rest of your life ... Avoiding them