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My head says “go to the gym” but my heart says, “stay on the internet forever and eat!”
Exercise... the poor person`s plastic surgery
A slug is just a divorced snail.
2015 and still no thieves interested in my identity.
Go buy a burrito, leave it in your fridge, get drunk, come home and be your own best secret admirer.
Going to a bar where "everybody knows your name" sounds terrifying.
Researchers claim that the Internet is making us dumber and more impatient. I don`t get it. Moving on.
I should be asleep, but there are a lot of things I should be.
You post all of your drama on Facebook. Then get upset when people judge you? You must be a special kind of stupid.
My package finally came today. this is awesome....it means I have bubble wrap to play with
Whoever invented grass must be a billionaire that stuff is everywhere
If you are offended by the words "In God We Trust" on your money, then send it to me. I don`t mind it at all.
How can society expect me to be a mature productive member of it I don`t even know if it`s spelled gray or grey
Some people wonder why I never like or comment on their posts. It’s because I unfollowed you a long time ago.
Is it ok to ask a very pregnant librarian if she`s overdue?