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As I get older my tastes are changing, for instance I used to not like brussels sprouts but now I don`t like people.
I hate how homeless people shake their coin cups at me. I get it. No need to gloat that they have more money than me.
Have we considered putting Scooby Doo and the gang on the Malaysian airplane caper?
I found out why I`m still single. Apparently, you have to go outside and let people see you.
I can only please one person a day...and today is not your day!
Nothing ruins a perfectly good mood like reality.
Pretty sure I look forward to my boss` vacation`s more than he does.
A fun thing to yell at a magic show is "BURN HIM, HE`S A WITCH"
If Violets were Orange, poetry would be a lot more challenging.
Sorry about last night texts. My phone was drunk.
I believe in the silver rule of life: Do unto others then run!
I`m thinking one of us should probably break the news to the phone book makers that there`s this thing called Google now
My wife asks me to remind her about stuff. That way if she forgets something, it`s my fault.
A world without Facebook would be much more productive.
Iām bored. Anyone need anything avenged?