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I`m old enough to remember when cell phones actually got smaller every year.
Salad tastes pretty good once you add some pizza and get rid of the salad.
I came across 3 snakes while mowing the yard today, but those of you in North America already know that because you heard me scream
I have off-road rage, too
I just ran butt a$$ naked through Walmart yelling "Stop that shoplifter! she got my clothes!"
I`m not above slashing my own tires to avoid going to this family brunch.
My wife said if this gets 100 likes, we`ll try butt stuff........ * Please DON`T like,,, her strap-on is big and scary.....
Cinderella is my favorite fairy tale about how foot size is the best way to recognize someone.
I got a Rolex for my birthday from my lesbian friends. I think they misunderstood me when I said I wanna watch.
Well h€ll, I was going to post a status about my p€cker, but it was too long.
GAL: Would you keep me in your heart forever? BOY: Nop! GAL: (sadly)...why? BOY: Because then you`ll occupy only one part of me...but i`ll keep you in my heart, mind & let you complete me.
I hate brushing my teeth at night because that signifies that you cant have anymore food and im just never ready for that kind of commitment
My New Years Eve = Hangover 4
I like to say my kid handles funds for a multi-billion dollar corporation. It`s easier than saying he is a cashier at McDonald`s
Have you noticed that the "lol" symbol looks like a drowning guy? i bet hes not laughing out loud