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Dear Friday, I`m ready !!!
My left buttcheek fell asleep. I`m Half-assing everything I do for the next ten minutes.
I’m going to start responding to videos people post of their babies on Facebook with videos of me getting nine hours of sleep.
Still hoping that one day I get to ride a kayak while it`s strapped to the top of someone`s car.
I noticed you`re not yourself today. I really like it.
Well aren`t you a f*cking waste of two billion years of evolution.
Some people should use a glue stick instead of chap stick.
Nothing screws up your Friday more than realizing it’s only Tuesday.
Please just put it in the fridge.... We`ll throw it away next week.
Nice try, St. Patrick`s Day, but I don`t need a reason to drink.
Is it just me, or is Fantasy Football basically Dungeons & Dragons for jocks?
when god was giving out brains....you must have miss heard for trains..and missed your bugger
I thought `Pokemon` was a Jamaican Porn... My bad...
I’m not saying I’m psychic, but I’m positive I will have no interest in what you’re about to say.
Mosquito`s and parking inspectors must be from the same family...