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Relationships are mostly you apologizing for saying something hilarious!
If I was rich, I`d do nothing all day from a much nicer couch
The more I drink, the more I realize how much more I still want to drink.
Facebook Stalker! If you just felt a sudden twinge of guilt then yes I`m talking about you.
Dear liver…. Here is an advance sorry for tonight… sincerely Jimmy…
if your an astronaut, and you don`t end a relationship with "look, I just need space.." then your wasting everyones time
My pants are 75% off.
Okay, I am getting really irritated. This is the 5th ATM I`ve been to today that`s had "insufficient funds".
Well I made it through the day without beating anyone with a chair. I`d say my people skills are improving.
I wonder how many couples would still be together if they traded phones for a weekend
Girl: I have changed my mind. Boy: Thank God! Does the new one work?
All these women on the 48 dating sites I`ve joined, seem so f*cking sad and desperate.
Ohio - High in the middle, and round at the ends.
be smart, pretend to be stupid!
I just wanna be the reason your doctor puts you on a new medication.