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Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until ALL the birds have gone South for the Winter.
I don’t need a reason to enjoy a little wine. All I need is a glass.
"I just launched a new fragrance!" - a great way to announce a fart
Shall I compare thee to a Summer`s Eve? For thou art a douche.
My husband told me that in some cultures women do all the housework, so I told him in some cultures blow jobs don`t exist. He`s vacuuming
Long busy day, I need one of those hugs that turns into sex.
I`m tired of doing math. I guess I`ll get my lazy as up and fix my clocks today
Dont you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?
We should remove the warning labels from everything and let the stupidity problem take care of itself.
What if Spider Man has to stop a crime in the countryside
Those 5 donuts I ate are really going to give me an extra boost during my workout today.
Irony. The opposite of wrinkly.
There is a 99.9% chance I am hungry.
ATMs should have built in breathalyzers. I would save so much money.
I fake my lol`s