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Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.
As often as I lose lighters and sunglasses, it`s a good thing I never had kids. Or did I?
Do you ever go on youtube just to watch a music video then 5 hours later you find yourself watching a tutorial on how to talk to a giraffe?
I just read last year 4,153,237 people got married. I don’t want to start any trouble, but shouldn’t that be an even number? ...hmm
Based on how I react when the toast pops out of the toaster, I will never look cool walking away from an explosion.
The problem is not the problem, the problem is your attitude about the problem.
Things that make women emotional- 1) sad movies 2) love stories 3) anything 4) everything
Why does Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell insurance. Is there something dirty about insurance we should know about?
never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes
To save time, lets just assume I am never wrong ;)
You may think it`s bad grammar but I assure you it`s just laziness.
If a Donkey and Zebra ever mate they`d have to call the offspring a Zonkey because Debra is already taken.
If I`m in a public bathroom and someone else in that same bathroom is on the phone and states that they are ANYWHERE ELSE, I flush my toilet
7 billion people on this planet and I can`t find one who doesn`t annoy the f*ck out of me.
A guy had his whole left side torn off, the doctor said he`s all right.