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I wear a cape when I`m driving so if I get pulled over the cop will think I`m going somewhere to fight crime.
Leaving the house would be so much cooler if someone would yell “Aaaaand Action!” as I walk out the door.
Childhood is like being drunk. Everyone remembers what you did, except you.
A walk of shame is always sad. Don`t make it worse by adding the sound of Flip flops to it.
Mary, mary quit contrary, watched their garden thrive. The cops found seed of a very odd weed; Now they`s doing three to five.
Have you ever had a fly or small bug land on your computer screen and your first reaction is to try and scare it with the cursor?
I don’t write children’s books because the last page would always say: "Now shut up and go to sleep."
It`s not so much that I have to work that bothers me...oh wait, yes it is.
The first sign of laziness:
Well, it`s about that time of the day when I stop hitting the snooze button, wipe away the drool, open the blinds, and head on home from work.
Ugly is such an ugly word. If I must describe an ugly person I´d prefer to use the term "handsomely-challenged"
How can I trust you when you keep running away every time I untie you?
"Please take a seat" was a bad introduction for a Kleptomaniacs` Anonymous meeting.
Ain`t no sunshine when she`s gone..... or sandwiches.... Ain`t no sandwiches either.
People who say you can´t buy happiness just don´t know where to shop.