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I talked to my mom, and she said she probably hadn`t had sex with any of you guys. Damn dirty liars.
only fights if pillows are present.
The Internet makes things so convenient. Before it existed, if you wanted to order a DVD online, you had to invent the Internet.
There is nothing like sitting naked in a beanbag chair eating Cheetos. ...I sure hope they let me back in Walmart.
My kids are giving all the people on this airplane a hard lesson in birth control right now.
The computers were down at work today, so we had to do everything manually. It took me twenty minutes to shuffle the cards to play solitaire.
I would go for a jog today, but it looks like all of these cupcakes expire today as well.
If there is enough room to spell `bootylicious` on the back of your shorts...it probably isn`t
I`ve never done any mistake twice... three, four times may be!
I bet all the cool math nerds call each other algebros.
I`m going to start a band called "Free Beer" because when people see a sign that says "Free Beer Tomorrow at 9PM" everyone is going to be there.
Internet Dating......The Odds are good but the Goods are odd
Now tell me how old your baby is in hours.
The best time to re evaluate your life is when you find your self awake at 3 am reluctantly nodding yes to the questions being asked at the beginning of an infomercial
I thought kegels were like Jewish bagels