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While everyone may not speak the same language, we all know what time McDonald`s stops serving breakfast.
People say, “You have to work on a marriage.” I say, “No thank you. I already have a job
When you write misspelled backwards it`s misspelled.
I`m surprised more killers haven`t lured their victims into their houses by blind folding them and promises of being on a febreze commercial
Who me? Oh I`m just waiting for my husband to apologize for something I did wrong...marriage is fun
Not all country music is terrible. If you can get past the lyrics about trucks, mud, farms and cows... It`s actually not too bad.
If my glass is half full then I start wondering where my bartender is.
Dear Cashier: Stop giving me attitude and acting like your job is so complicated and stressful. Self-Checkout has proven that you are really unnecessary.
"Spring Ahead" this weekend for Daylight Saving Time proves there is a much quicker way than Facebook to lose an hour in your life....
Bulimia: Twice the taste. Zero Calories.
Is bloodletting still in use today? Just thinking...I know a couple of people here that may be in need of some bloodletting
I finally finished my 4,000 piece jigsaw puzzle. It reads- " Get a life you sad F**k "
7 billion people on this planet and I can`t find one who doesn`t annoy the f*ck out of me.
Gonna try out my new drinking game tonight... 1. Turn on the news. 2. Take a drink every time the word FERGUSON is said!
Wesley Snipes was released from prison this week. Now he can finally begin filming "Blade 4: Twilight."