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In the morning instead of having coffee and reading my horoscope, I have coffee and unfriend anyone who posts their horoscope.
The Wizard of Oz is really just a cautionary tale about the lengths a woman will go to for the right shoes.
If I could choose any one mythological creature to become alive & real, I`d have to pick…My girlfriend.
Insanity means never having to say “I’m Guilty”.
Dancing in the 70`s: I have absolutely no idea what I am pointing at
when i have children im going to make them watch 2012 and tell them i survived all of that.
Besides tweeting during this job interview, what would you say is your biggest weakness?
boss- "You cant drink while your at work!" .. me- "Oh dont worry im not working!!"
The girl on the flyer is never at the club.
Sometimes I can’t remember what parking lot I left my car in at the mall so I get it Malaysia Airlines…I totally get it.
If you see a girl or guy post pictures of their cat you know they`re single.
If I’ve offended you with my posts, I humbly apologize. I honestly didn’t think you could read.
You should never answer your phone during sex, particularly if it`s your wife calling.
The saying, "Say no to drugs" has always made me laugh. If you`re talking to drugs, it`s probably too late to say no to them.
Facebook should make it to where it says, `Went from being in a relationship` to `Problem solved.`