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Taco Bell is donating burritos to feed firefighters in Colorado. Talk about putting gas on the fire,
Only 273 fruit roll-ups to go until I get my full serving of fruit...
I sent one of those swabs off for DNA sampling. Apparently, I`m 50% Crest, 25% Denture fixative, 13% kebab, and 12% Rum.
There’s nothing better than a nap after a good nights sleep.
Sorry I`m late, I was waiving my hands at a paper towel dispenser that turned out to not be automatic.
Does Facebook have a “You’re not smart enough to be talking about politics” button?
I’ve been repeating the same mistakes in life for so long now I may as well call them traditions.
Relationship Status: eating
You fake your smile daily, then judge people for getting a fake tan.
Why don`t family members send me money for my birthday anymore? I need it now more than when I was 7
We all have that one friend who needs to learn how to whisper
Just ran across a great dessert recipe...Cut up some bananas, apples & oranges in a bowl. Add fresh squeezed lime juice. Then toss it in the trash and eat a cheesecake.
My last thought in life will probably be ” I wonder what happens if I touch this?”
Losing weight is not working for me, so I`m concentrating on getting taller.
It`s always fun to act like you don`t see the person running to catch the elevator your in just as the door starts closing.