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Some days are just not meant to be productive.
If it were easy then everyone would act like me.
I don’t understand how people have to “get ready for bed”…I’m always ready for bed.
You learn something new everyday and if you didnt know that then you just did.
I’m giving co-workers the silent treatment by sending them blank emails.
I was just awarded the first place trophy for laziness. All I need now is for someone to accept it on my behalf.
Okay so the pregnant woman in the library didn`t get my `overdue` joke.
I’m not shy. I’m just holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.
I`m not sure what my credit score is but I`m pretty sure I`m losing.
If its the thought that counts, then I`ve banged so many hot chicks.
Dear Gangsta: If you pulled up your pants a little you could run from the cops faster.
You don`t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine.
Have you noticed that the "lol" symbol looks like a drowning guy? i bet hes not laughing out loud
Someone once told me, “GO FOR BROKE” !! I’m happy to report that I succeeded…
I`m the kind of friend who will help you hide a dead body, but if you betray me, just remember: I KNOW HOW TO HIDE A DEAD BODY