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I came across 3 snakes while mowing the yard today, but those of you in North America already know that because you heard me scream
If this cold snowy weather doesn`t clear up soon, I may never get in the mood to take down the Christmas tree-
Sunglasses allow you to stare at people without getting caught. It`s like facebook in real life.
My left buttcheek fell asleep. I`m Half-a$$ing everything I do for the next ten minutes.
*breaking news music plays* Last thought of the night: Why is now everyone talkin` bout "twerkin`"? Man, that shyt been `round since the days of Hammer pants and spandex shorts!!!!
"Oh wow, it`s a fruit cake! I`m going to eat some of it right now" ...said no one ever.
The problem with the general public is that it`s made of people.
Just printed out 50 copies of today`s weather forecast to carry around with me today because I`m just not in the mood for small talk.
Today`s Horoscope: You`re gullible
Can I have your number or do you just want the 8 dollars for the drink?
I hear there is scientific proof that birthdays are good for you... the more you have the longer you live.
Porn is the one industry where segregating races, genders, sexual preference, is completely acceptable
What if your soulmate is over there on Twitter while you`re here on Facebook?
This could be the best day ever… but it isn’t. Again.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.