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Why would I ever pay to go to a NASCAR event when I could get drunk beside the interstate and cheer for cars for free?
Not sure how coffee got its own table in the living room, but kudos.
My three biggest fears are mouses, wolfs & proper pluralization.
"I have no idea. Why don`t you just Google it?" —My answer to just about every question I`m ever asked
You might be a REDNECK if you think S.T.O.P. means spin tires on pavement!! :)) lol
Always check the height of nearby ceiling fans before giving a toddler a ride on your shoulders... * How I learned this rule is not important.
You`d think the chances of putting in a USB drive wrongside-up would be 50-50, but nope, 90-10.
If you have alphabet fridge magnets, and morals. You probably shouldn`t invite me over.
If anyone is interested I`ll be signing books tomorrow at Barnes & Noble from 6:00pm until I get escorted out by security.
Walking out of a store after not buying anything and thinking, "try not to act like a criminal, try not to act like a criminal."
Fact: If you eat a slice of pizza fast enough, your body won`t understand how many calories are in it.
My girlfriend isn`t much of a wrestler but you should see her box!!
Will someone please tell ugly girls with small boobs that their opioion doesnt really matter.
Don’t judge me because I only have $4 in my pocket. Judge me because I stole it off my daughter’s night stand.
If I had a penny for everytime I heard you bitch at me I`d have enough money to invest in a hitman