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Dear food, Either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat.
At the end of the day, it`s 11:59pm.
When exactly are they going to make Xanax fit my Pez Dispenser?
You took the time to make your minivan look like a reindeer, but you can`t take one second to hit the turn signal an inch from your fingers?
Did you know: Your life expectancy decreases every time you ... PISS ME OFF
Hurricanes, Fires,Tiger running loose ... Whoever is playing Jumanji needs to wrap it up
What happens in Vegas never happens to me
Soup of the day: Beer
There’s really no reason to repeat yourself. I ignored you just fine the first time.
I got my stomach by doing as many crunches as I can everyday. Usually either Nestle or Captain
Keep it down kids!.. Daddy is trying to think of something stupid to say on the internet.
I give movies with 2 stars a 5 on Netflix because if I sat through this piece of sh!t, I want you to as well.
Apparently showing the pharmacist a picture of my wife was not a good enough reason to get Valium without a prescription.
I got food poisoning today. I don`t know when I`ll use it though.
I`m sure the guy standing at the urinal next to me, regrets wearing those flip flops today.