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Women are always complaining that men are messy by leaving clothes layin around…..That’s because women take up all the closets
"And then I rented a monster truck and drove it through their f*cking house!" - How all my stories would end if I was a billionaire.
Didn`t ya`ll know awkward moments existed before? Damn, its like the Yolocaust all over again...
I`m a beer enthusiast. The more beer I drink, the more enthusiastic I become.
I got a lot more sleep back when phones were only used for calling people.
"Mail your packages early so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas."
When I was a kid, I really thought piranhas were going to be pretty much a daily concern.
I get nervous after taking time off work, that in my absence my boss will realize how little I actually do at the office.
Men also have feelings. For example, we can feel hungry.
I stopped going to AA because all of their stories were about how they hit rock bottom by waking up next to me.
Some of you ladies need to ease up on the makeup until we get this clown situation resolved.
I ordered myself an Eastern European bride online. SO EXCITED. Just received confirmation… My Czech is in the mail!
I`ll never fall in love untill and unless love falls on me!
According to my roommate`s diary, I have boundary issues.
Apparently the ``All you can eat buffet`` isn`t a challenge ...