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A wise man, will often say nothing
My New Years Resolution is to be less vain. It`s going to be difficult though, considering how sexy I am.
So after an hour of playing Paper, Rock, Scissors, we decided to call it a tie. Good game, mirror!
I feel like I`m not getting the full experience of a gas station bathroom if I don`t cut and dye my hair and change my identity.
Christmas trees are like boobs...the fake ones are nice to look at... But the real ones are so much better
Life would be so much better if throughout the day we encountered randomly placed Piñatas
I always make it a point to become friends with babies. That`s free cake once a year for a lifetime.
You know what’s worse than slow internet? NOTHING.
I left my phone at home all day today. Is the sky always blue like that?
Some people should calm down, take a deep breath and then hold it for 20 minutes.
omg I just found out I`m allergic to exercise...at first I get all flushed, then I break out in a sweat, my heart starts pounding really fast, then I cant breath........i wont be doing that again!
So Apple is gonna buy Beats by Dr. Dre... I guess "an apple a day keeps the doctor away" doesn`t apply to technology?
“Shit ton” is my favorite unit of measurement.
new years resolution #1: stop losing the powerball
I wish karma would send me email notifications.