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According to my nipples, summer is over
Smile at the people who hate you. It makes them wonder what you`re up to. :)
Quite honestly, Officer, I wouldn`t have even pulled over had I known all you were going to do was criticize my driving.
Can’t find your children? Try turning off the wifi. They appear suddenly.
People who walk down the escalator. Stop it, we have enough over achievers!
life is short play naked
Due to the rise in the economy, the position 69 will now be 96, due to the higher cost of eating out.
Boobs are like the Sun. You can stare at them directly just for a few seconds, but if you put on sunglasses, you can stare as much as you want!
Guys, if a girl invites you upstairs for "coffee," first make sure she has coffee, you don`t want to get up there and there`s no coffee.
Ummm,, Can we just admit we may have taken this anybody can grow up to be President thing a bit too far.
I like calling the Psychic Hotline and asking them what I`m wearing.
I would`ve thrown a coin in the water fountain and wished for all the money in it, but I just waited `til it was dark instead.
I just saw the neighbor`s kid trying to spray whipped cream on his cat. I`m thinking he overheard something last night in that house he wasn`t supposed to.
"F*ck that sh!t", is a perfectly acceptable replacement for the word "no"
When my pc crashes, I go to the guy with the most action figures in his cubicle for help.