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When I woke up today, I had no plans to be awesome, it just happened.
It`s all fun and games until you find out she`s a psychotic bitch...
People with 1 syllable names ruin the happy birthday song
I wish my personality allowed me to write deep and meaningful statuses sometimes, oh well. Titties!
If you`re going to have opinions on my life, then I am assuming you will be paying some of the bills.
How do nudist clean their glasses?
If I’ve offended you with my posts, I humbly apologize. I honestly didn’t think you could read.
Don’t expect a “bless you” after the 4th sneeze…get your self together
I think people who use "go fly a kite" as an insult don`t really understand kites or insults.
If you`re "just sayin", then just shut the hell up.
Today I saw a girl with the word "Anel" on her butt. I was like, woah..it`s supposed to say "Anal"..it`s spelled wrong then I realized it was supposed to say "Angel". The G was stuck in her a$$crack
During the holidays people have to make a choice between enjoying the holidays or spending it with the relatives.
People with no money sure do have a lot of pot.
Apparently asking girl scouts which cookie pairs nicely with whiskey is inappropriate....
This bottle of beer is not only delicious,,,, It also contains almost 10% of my daily requirement of beer...