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Statistically, 132% of all people exaggerate.
I think the cats are hording all the single women out there...
Okay, calm down. Its a spider. Just one tiny litt- HOLY MOLY IT MOVED!
Trying to figure out why I joined the gym when I have Photoshop.
“Until death do us part” means we’re all single in heaven, right?
I love therapy sessions because I get to cry for an hour. It usually freaks out my patient, though.
When I`m on my death bed, I want my last words to be...."I left 10 million dollars in the..........."
Do you know what’d look good on you? Me
Weird that we don`t see more pants on fire
I`d probably get a lot more done if it wasn`t for me.
Given how enormous the universe is, I assume there’s an alien out there who does a mocking impression of me. Screw you, alien.
Lies I`ll never stop telling: 1. I`d never put you in a home, mom. 2. It`s 6 inches long. 3. I have no idea how the PC got a virus.
I hate brushing my teeth at night. It signifies I can`t have any more food and I`m never ready for that kind of commitment.
Sometimes, when dealing with people, you can`t help but stop and think, "Yup, I`m about to get my first assault charge."
Wanna have a little fun? Post "Anyone know a good lawyer?" Then sit back and watch the speculation run wild!