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If a man speaks at sea where no women can hear, is he still wrong?
Does the Food Network deliver?
The worst part about calling in for a sick day is the pressure of knowing you only have one shot to do the “I’m sick” voice.
I was going to write something profound and memorable here, but I can`t remember what it was.
"Don`t make me regret this." -things I think when accepting a friend request.
I always honk when I drive by homeless guys sleeping, just in case they overslept for a meeting
I always carry a picture of my wife and kids in my wallet. It reminds me of why there is no money in there.
This whole being a responsible adult thing sucks.
The best nicknames are the ones people don’t know they have.
It`s a lot easier to chuck a co-worker in the dumpster than it is to listen to his problems.
It`s damn funny when a wife think`s she`s punishing her husband by not talking to him for days..
Eww!!! Beer does NOT taste good on Cocoa Puffs! ..I`m switching back to my Fruit Loops! ;)
Congratulation! You`ve won a lifetime supply of air! Not valid under water, in space, when dead, or while choking.
Swearing: because sometimes "golly gee" and "meany" just don`t cut it.
I rather read the software license agreement for my computer than some peoples Facebook status drama on my newfeeds