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Things are finally looking up for me. This Victoria`s Secret catalog just told me this is going to be "your sexiest year ever."
Science is just a numbery way to explain magic.
I`ve been holding my stomach in for 3 years now so don`t talk to me about dedication
It`s not difficult to tell crocodiles and alligators apart. One will see you in a while whereas the other will see you later.
Congratulations, U.S. Government, you are now officially more embarrassing than Miley Cyrus
As a child, my mom told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called "Identity Theft".
If a camera adds 10 pounds then maybe stop eating them
If I gave you a penny for your thoughts I`d totally be expecting some change back.
The best things in life can`t be seen or touched. At least, that`s what the restraining order says.
My best childhood memory was falling asleep on the couch and waking up in bed…. I miss teleporting. It never happens to me anymore.
Junk- something you keep for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
If heat makes things expand, then I don`t have a weight problem ... I am just Hot!
Sometimes, I`m offended at how easily offended some people get.
Roger that command center, we have arrived at our destination and will commence countdown..............Sir this is McDonalds how may I help you
The early bird gets the worm! So does the late bird. They all get worms all the time; there`s tons of those things. Relax, there will always be a lota worms......