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They updated the Raggedy Ann doll to Swaggedy Ann. She comes with an iPhone, divorced parents, and 3 pairs of heelys.
Just in: Chinese people confirm they were just messing with us with chopsticks. "You guys look like dumb idiots lol" says one Chinese guy
I just drink until the sadness becomes hilarious.
Hey! Wanna make $$$$$$ fast? Just follow my simple instructions. 1:Hold down the Shift key 2:Press the number 4 six times. It’s that easy.
"There`s a sleeping person. Let`s go ask it questions." – Children
Sometimes I just wish people were as easy to forget as PIN numbers.
My fitness goal is just to get down to the weight that I lied about on my drivers license.
I just bought an answering machine! What should I ask it?
Dear life, When I said "can my day get any worse?" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.
When life throws you curveballs, swing at those motherf*ckers like Stevie Wonder with a lightsaber.
After all these years I finally figured out that that last little piece of soap is more trouble than it`s worth.
I hate laundry, dishes, sweeping, mopping, dusting, fixing and fetching. The only logical conclusion is that I am descended from royalty.
You say you want to bring me back to reality. You’re assuming I’ve been there before.
A morning text from me doesn`t mean "good morning". It means "I`m having very dirty thoughts about you right now".
Of all the horrible ways to die I think healthy eating sounds the most painful.