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My dog was licking his balls. My friend said "I wish I could do that." I said "You better pet him first; he can be mean sometimes."
Nothing like responsibility to ruin a perfectly good day.
IM LOST! I`ve gone to look for my self. If u see me, tell me to wait here till I get back.
Sometimes, late at night in WalMart, I switch up all the color tubes in the hair dye kits.
A night of insomnia is usually followed by a morning of browser history clearing
I`ve been taking viagara for my sunburn........ It doesn`t cure it...... but it does keep the sheets off my legs at night.
My idea of getting lucky is having someone else do the laundry.
Some Facebook friends are like ghost you dont see them but you know their there
"This isn`t my first rodeo" -Guy at his second rodeo
if a guy tells you you`re ugly ; he wants you, if a girl tells you your ugly; she`s jealouse, if you a kid tells you your`re ugly..... you`re ugly.
Why don`t you slip into something more comfortable, like a coma
I saved over $1000.00 on Black Friday. I stayed home and didn`t shop.
My closet is like 15 shirts I plan to fit into again and 1 shirt I wear every day.
I wonder if New York people find it weird to watch their own city being destroyed in Hollywood movies so many times..!!
There are 2 kinds of coworkers. The ones who keep iPhone 5 chargers at their desks and the ones whose names I don`t know.