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The discharge paperwork at the hospital seems to be expedited a little quicker if you roam up and down the hall with the back of your hospital gown untied.
If there is no chocolate in heaven...I AM NOT GOING!
I had hopes and dreams. Now I have vodka and the internet.
Sitting on my hand until it gets numb so it feels like someone else is folding my laundry.
is easily distracted by shiny objects.
My local hairdresser just got arrested for selling drugs. Unbelievable! I`ve been her customer for 10 years and had no clue she was a hairdresser!
In a perfect world Taco Bell would deliver...
The only way I`m coming to your wedding is if you get Me a gift. You just found lifelong love, I think I deserve a blender more than you do.
You`d think that with as much time as women spend looking at their butt in the mirror they would be able to parallel park.
If you have fewer than 25 FB friends. Please unfriend me because thats just embarassing and I dont want to be on your "loser" list.
Look, all I`m saying is that the dinosaurs didn`t drink alcohol and look what happened to them.
God knew that there would be times that a single middle finger wouldn`t be enough.
TIP OF THE DAY: If you can`t afford porn, just turn on tennis and shut your eyes.
I`m in no shape to exercise patience!
You`re more inbred than sandwhich filler.