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I miss the good old days when we blamed Marilyn Manson for all our problems.
Taco Bell is donating burritos to feed firefighters in Colorado. Talk about putting gas on the fire,
is pretty sure there´s a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking...And I plan on finding out what that is.
Sometimes I don`t go big just so I can go home.
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn`t hire stupid people......
That awkward moment when you run into someone and there`s no where to hide
Life would be so much better if there were piñatas strategically placed throughout my day.
Apparently slim chance and fat chance have the same meaning.
I tend to say “I dont know” when I’m too lazy to think.
Kids are like debit cards. I get yelled at when I accidentally leave them at the store.
Start each day with a positive thought like, "I can go back to bed in about 17 short hours."
Save water. Shower with me. ;)
Like a glow stick, sometimes we have to break before we shine.
"Did you know that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?"
Sorry I mixed 50,000 instant pudding packets into your above ground pool