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Someone should use screen recording software to record an entire day’s worth of working on spreadsheets and post it to YouTube so that I can play it full screen and pretend like I’m working.
Things were said. Feelings were hurt. Your car was set on fire. My point is you’re wrong & Raphael isn’t the best Ninja Turtle. Get over it.
One of the major benefits of using a combined 2 in 1 shampoo/conditioner is having enough room leftover on the shower caddy for the beer.
I don`t care if it`s a kidnapping/murder; if you tell me a monkey will be involved, I`m 97% more likely to participate.
I Wonder what Facebook Employees do to waste time at work ?
My favorite drink is the fullest one on the table.
I liked you a lot more before I met you.
Unless you tripped and smacked your face on the treadmill, no one wants to hear about your workout.
I wish I had the kind of life my spam folder thinks I have!
The best part of my divorce was how I woke up and I hadn`t done anything wrong
No matter how many lives you have in Candy Crush, you’ll still never get your own back.
Tips for Guys on Valentine`s Day: Tell your girl you already got something and make her guess. She`ll automatically list things she wants.
COLLEGE STUDENTS: if you`re looking for a job, your career center lists thousands of openings you don`t have enough experience for.
Ain`t no sandwich when she`s gone.
So today my gym was crowded...at least I think it was a gym...Do gyms usually have drive thrus?