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Personally, I believe that around 93% of the world`s population should run with scissors.
Like this if you can’t think of a clever status either.
When I’m getting off a crowded elevator I like to turn & look at someone who’s staying on and say,, “You’re in charge while I’m gone.”
I`m going to hell in every religion!
You`d think Pizza Hut would be able to upgrade to a house by now.
To those of you who received a book from me as a Christmas present: just to let you know that they are due back at the library tomorrow.
You know what’s worse than slow internet? NOTHING.
I just broke my record for most days lived.
When in darkness, pray. If you pray and nothing happens, I think it is the high time you paid your electricity bill.
is having one of those days where they feels like lighting someones face on fire and then trying to put it out with a fork
I was cleaning one of my finger guns and accidentally blew a hole through my air guitar.
I’m so broke this New Years Im gonna party like its $19.99.
University; It`s like being unemployed, but your parents are proud of you.
So, you`re telling me that the Grammys aren`t cute little bags of cocaine?
What sucks about those little hotel shampoo bottles is there`s no room for the directions so you kind of have to wing it.