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When people said they sleep like a baby, it`s because they do not have one.
Life can be like Chess sometimes. I don`t know how to play Chess.
Smile at the people who hate you. It makes them wonder what you`re up to. :)
I just ran butt a$$ naked through Walmart yelling "Stop that shoplifter! she got my clothes!"
When I`m bored I like to dress in a grim reaper costume and stand across the street from the nursing home and wave at the old folks.
Nothing like calling off work and watching porn all morning.
Im not sure Im comfortable with the fact that there is now a bunch of people in white coats furiously scribbling notes behind a big glass window while im talking to my therapist. Im suppose to just "ignore" them.
There`s no `i` in "Shut the f*ck up!"
On your deathbed tell everyone "pray for me" then make sure to leave a note to be opened after you die that says "pray harder next time."
My relationship with whiskey has been on the rocks lately
I`m not antisocial. I`m pro leave-me-the-hell-alone.
There are two rules to success in life - 1. Don`t tell people everything you know
"Has anybody ever seen a chicken fly? No? Good, there`s nothing wrong with ya"
If you expect the world to be fair with you because you are fair with them....its like expecting a lion not to eat you because you don`t eat lion.
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets!