Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I wish I could google the things I’ve misplaced.
You say stalker. I say unpaid private investigator.
Always keep a note in your medicine cabinet that says, “I thought you were peeing?”
I sure buy a lot of alcohol. Hope I`m not a shopaholic.
I always get a nice safe feeling whenever I see a police car and I realize I`m not driving around with a trunkful of cocaine.
I`ve been around the block a few times, but then my neighbor realized I was drunk and helped me into my house.
When you are dead, you don’t know you are dead but other people do. The same applies when you are stupid.
There is 2 address we will always know by heart, 1: Our Own, and 2: P. Sherman 42 wallyby way Sydney!
I thought an emu was when you sent someone a cow via cyber mail.
You never know how little self control you have until they put chips and salsa in front of you at a Mexican restaurant.
We can land a rover on an asteroid, but they can`t make a can of shaving cream that doesn`t spill 1/10th of it`s contents after every use.
Saw a chameleon today, so I`m assuming it wasn`t a very good one.
Notice how writers don’t rewrite books, how about we stop remaking movies.
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She`s 97 today and we don`t know where the hell she is.
I`m tired of making the same mistakes over and over again. Does anyone have any new mistakes I can borrow?