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(For women only) Wants to go on the Maury Povich show and hear, "You are NOT the mother!"
I think I`m a grown up the same way Dr. Phil is a doctor.
True love doesn`t care about the look or size of your wallet, it`s all about what`s inside ..... the wallet.
Happy July 22nd! Today isn’t a holiday, but you’re alive and well, so why not celebrate?
Not to brag, but I don`t even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.
Pretending to be a morning person is exhausting.
I`m thinkin` Dodgeball........... but with random people..........who don`t know they are playing.............
None of the animals I designed and invented are at the zoo. Do they even check the suggestion box?
United Airlines.... Board as Doctor, leave as patient.
Imagine being naked in a room full of people who speak a different language and everyone wants to touch you. That is the life of a dog.
I think people who challenge me at Words With Friends are most impressed with my vast knowledge of three letter words.
Thanks for calling me to tell me you just sent that email
I’m so broke this New Years Im gonna party like its $19.99.
I can’t tell if I’m hungry, but better eat just in case.
Sleep is like a time machine to breakfast.