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I am the reason why Waldo is hiding.
My business card is just a label I peeled off a beer bottle.
Reminiscing isn’t as fun as it used to be.
Can someone`s face be a pet peeve?
Joggers always give each other a little nod when they pass, just like fat guys in a buffet line.
Fun thing to do: Before leaving someone`s house, ask them if you can take a roll of toilet paper "to go"
I`ve written my own book called 50 Shades of Gravy. It`s very saucy. :D
Sometimes it`s fun to make fun of yourself. Almost as fun as it is to make fun of others.
I just saw a woman getting into a car the wrong way ... Through the driver’s door.
A man who scratches his butt should not bite fingernails!
Do feminists look under their beds for the boogie woman?
I thought there`d be more sex during my sexual prime.
This is the only way I know how to correctly use a semi-colon ;)
I like to finish other people`s sentences because my version is better.
"I’m definitely going to do that tomorrow.” — Me being delusional