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How come the energizer bunny beats a drum instead of doing something like working the cashier register at Wal-Mart?
If, in your relationship, you hear "You`re suffocating me", you`re probably not holding down the pillow hard enough.
When I buy a horse, I`ll call it `MY FACE`..imagine all the ladies screaming `come on my face`
With the rise of self-driving vehicles, eventually there will be a country song about how your truck left you too.
Told my wife I wanted our kids every other weekend and she reminded me that we`re married & live together so I`d have to see them every day.
This one isnt that funny, keep scrolling.
We should have a way of telling people their breath stinks without hurting their feelings like: “Well I’m bored, let’s go brush our teeth.”
I did not trip...the floor looked like it needed a hug.
Someone`s gotta break it to people under 25 that cameras can also point away from themselves.
It`s called Wal-Mart because the Center for Disease Control was taken.
Helpful Tip: You can’t get in trouble for leaving work early if you disable the security cameras and crawl out the air-conditioning duct.
It would serve me better if they put shopping carts in the middle of the store where my pride realizes I have too much shit to carry.
It only takes a few seconds to show someone how you feel about them,The police call it indecent exposure but whatever...
If ghosts existed, why are they all apparently from the last 100 years or so? Wouldn’t there be evidence of a Neanderthal ghost here and there?
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey but i turned myself around and THAT`S what it`s all about