Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
There’s a special place in Hell for people who call to see if you got their email!
Sadly, the opposite sex is ignoring me like a check engine light.
"Don`t make me regret this." -things I think when accepting a friend request.
When I`m bored I like to dress in a grim reaper costume and stand across the street from the nursing home and wave at the old folks.
I`m not everyone`s cup of tea ... I`d rather be someone`s shot of tequila away.
You guys, how can true love still exist if we don`t have mixed tapes anymore?
Marriage: an expensive way to get your laundry done for free..
If you get pulled over in a Smart Car for speeding, you should get a standing ovation, not a ticket.
Went looking for camouflage underwear today.....couldn`t find any
When you go in the other room I ask your dog what you look like naked.
I`d rather run a marathon than listen to someone talk about running a marathon.
I think my smart phone is making fun of me behind my back.
Actually officer, I`d prefer to think that vodka smells like me.
Hillary Clinton is running for president. In other news, grass is green and the sun is hot.
If by time, you mean vodka, then yes, time does heal all wounds.