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Hot Pockets: For when you want every bite to be a different temperature.
While everyone may not speak the same language, we all know what time McDonald`s stops serving breakfast.
We can`t deny our basic human instincts, like automatically thinking we kind of already know how to play the harmonica whenever we hold one.
I really don`t have time for people that don`t find me hilarious.
I did not trip...the floor looked like it needed a hug.
Using my invisible hula hoop really freaks people out.
The TV is so loud! But not quite loud enough to make me get up and get the remote.
Wearing my pajamas to Walmart. I don`t want to attract any attention.
I`m no auto mechanic but I`m pretty good at letting people who drive behind me know whether or not they need new brakes
Love is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
Does running away from your problems count as exercising? If it is, then I`m one hell of a fitness freak
Putting your finger on someone`s lips and saying "Shhhh... Not another word" is super-romantic. But the cops didn`t think so.
A shake for breakfast. A shake for lunch. A sensible dinner. SEVENTY FIVE COOKIES AT 12:34AM
Facebook is perfect for those people that have never been very good at waiting for their turn to speak.
“I’m going to be a little bit late” -people that are going to be very late