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I gotta ask you a sirius question....do you know the muffen man
My brother took going to jail really badly. He refused food, drinks. He spat and swore at anyone who came near him and started throwing things everywhere. After that we NEVER played monopoly again.
Life lesson: you never have to feel ashamed of anything you buy as long as you buy a birthday card at the same time
I`m always tempted to yell "Kevin!" mid-flight.
Imagine this: You`re home alone and you sneeze. Suddenly the phone rings and you answer, then someone whispers `Bless you` and hangs up.
Guys, if my hair doesn`t look like a birds nest afterward, you`re doing it wrong.
The road to hell is paved with good intentions Note to self...avoid good intentions at all costs.
I made it halfway to Mexico before I realized that those sirens were just coming from the song on my radio.
I`d do anything to lose 20lbs. Well, except for eating healthy or working out.
Learn a lesson from your dog. No matter what life brings you, kick some grass over that crap and move on.
How can I go to sleep when this movie I’ve seen 70 times just started?
Not sure what my spirit animal is, but I am sure it has rabies
With great power comes great electricity bill.
Like if you remember the correlation between a pencil and a cassette tape ...
New Study: Long-term beer drinking can lead to depression, also known as "running out of beer."