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I just found out that checking your credit score actually LOWERS your credit rating. Seriously? That`s like every time you look in the mirror, you get a little bit uglier.
Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza
I`d like to give a special thanks to my feet for supporting me and to my arms for being by my side at all times.
Having a favorite homeless person is weird, right?
I think I have a serious problem---Today I was reading the newspaper and found myself looking for the "Like" button.
One of the major benefits of using a combined 2 in 1 shampoo/conditioner is having enough room leftover on the shower caddy for the beer.
I`m not the sort of person you should put on speakerphone.
I`m glad the Dentist calls me the day before to remind me to cancel my appointment.
Cats have tails so you can swing them around. Duh.
I guess I prefer Subway because they make me feel like I`m making the healthy decision when I order a loaf of bread with 18 meatballs on it.
I thought `Pokemon` was a Jamaican Porn... My bad...
If I`m guilty of anything it`s loving you too much. Oh and indecent exposure...I suppose trespassing too.
I see dead people. Well technically they`re stupid people, but give me a few minutes
If you play my workday backwards, it`s actually a nice story about idiots getting less and less annoying.
If you weren`t supposed to eat 15 Oreos in one sitting, they wouldn`t package them in rows of 15.