Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I like the part of the day where we eat the food.
That microwavable meal was delicious and filling! – no one ever
I’m at Code 5 today. I don’t know. It’s something this lady in the coffee shop said and I liked it. So now I’m using it, too.
Do stupid people ever hit a point in their life, where they realize they’re stupid?
*accidentally answers phone call* ... *pretends to be answering machine*
I`m going to test my theory that tequila kills the flu... Or brain cells... Whatever, doesn`t matter... something`s gonna die tonight.
The only thing I hate about beer is that there`s absolutely nothing I hate about beer... :)
I’m always impressed when I can stump auto-correct...
I like to think I`m special, because the thought of idiots like me existing in large numbers is f*cking terrifying.
Couples Halloween costumes always end up looking like one person went along with it to save the relationship.
I hate when I`m about to hug somebody really sexy and my face hits the mirror!!
If you want to have fun with your kids, tell them the teacher called, then ask if there is something they need to tell you.
I never fail to win at Rock, Paper, Scissors when I pick up the other person and throw them out the window.
I will probably die as a result of being sarcastic to the wrong person at the wrong time.
Thanks to the presence of fools, wise people stand out.