Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I plan on getting "sidewalk nap" drunk tonight.
If the sprayer in the sink can`t get it off and the dishwasher can`t get it off then I assume it`s just meant to be a part of the pan.
Me: spends 12 hours comparing teams before completing NCAA bracket, loses $50. GF: Spends 5 minutes picking teams with "cute" mascot names, wins $1000.
People liking my status from a week ago on Facebook proves that I have stalkers.
“Hi I’m an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door.”
If noone comes from the future to stop you, how bad of a decision could it really be?
Scientists have recently discovered that approximately 2% of Earth`s water at any given time is found on Tupperware containers being removed from the dishwasher
A fun thing to do is take a group picture at a party. Then leave & print it at Walgreens. Buy a frame, go back to party, & place it on the mantel at the party.
When I see a hot girl walking by, I like to look at her and blink very fast and repeatedly so it looks like shes walking in slow motion. Everything is better in slow motion =)
auto-correct has got to be my worst enema.
If a Donkey and Zebra ever mate they`d have to call the offspring a Zonkey because Debra is already taken.
After all these years I finally figured out that that last little piece of soap is more trouble than it`s worth.
If your life ever seems boring just remember that you are on a rock floating in outer space.
Sometimes I listen to strangers conversations and mentally give my opinion
I am a gentleman, based on the clubs I go to.