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If you think you`re bad with words, imagine the first guy to say "There there" when consoling someone
So vegetarians eat vegetables... I think I`m going to play it safe and avoid humanitarians.
Someday, I hope to be so rich that I`ll never be happy again.
Boss: You`re on another break already? Me: No. This is the same one you saw me on an hour ago.
some people just need to be kicked... in the stomach... with steel toed boots
Don`t invite me anywhere last minute. I enjoy doing nothing so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.
To all my friends who post Controversial, Obscene, Dirty, Offensive, and Derogatory posts, .. Keep that sh!t up. I like it....
A good example of mixed emotions would be finding a hundred dollar bill nailed to your tire.
I`m so broke, if somebody tried to rob me right now, they would just be practicing.
“Don’t make me regret this.” -things I think when accepting a friend request.
It`s actually the voices outside my head that bothers me the most.
There`s a word for people like you and that word is "leave."
Every Facebook photo album could be titled either "Envy Me!" or "Pity Me!"
Apparently when your girlfriend says "f*ck that bitch", you`re not supposed to take her seriously.
I don`t go on Facebook much so Dave, if you`re seeing this, thanks for the invite to your 2007 New Year`s party, hope you had fun dude.