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Ziploc`s idea of how big a sandwich should be is very different than mine.
I just had a conversation with my-self...but it just turned into an argument. I think it`s that time of the month...
I sent one of those swabs off for DNA sampling. Apparently, I`m 50% Crest, 25% Denture fixative, 13% kebab, and 12% Rum.
Roman Numerals...what are they good IV?
People liking my status from a week ago on Facebook proves that I have stalkers.
My job description does not include farting on everyone else`s office chairs but I still do it because INITIATIVE.
Kid, I can take you out the same way I brought you into this world, by making it look like an accident.
I`m off to get my beauty sleep. Yeah, I know...I`m already so beautiful you can`t stand it! I promise...a little more isn`t lethal...yet! ;) Goodnight!
LOL` the biggest lie on the internet.
Waterfalls are a beautiful, majestic sight as they pour down upon the rocky crags below. Unless you`re in a canoe and about to plummet to your death. Then waterfalls sorta suck.
Trust me, I am a liar.
Thanks for the free weekend offer E-Harmony but my wife said I can`t use it.
There`s a time and a place for non-alcoholic beer. Never, and down the drain.
My ex said he would die for me. All I`m saying is, it was his suggestion.
FYI: I`m never gonna tell the person I`m meeting up with that you said hi.