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Do you ever just look at a girl and instantly know she posts her daily horoscope on Facebook and quotes Marilyn Monroe?
Ever talk to someone so stupid they make you squint?
Whoever said, "All men are created equal", has obviously never been to a nude beach
Facebook needs a "slap a b!tch button"
The good thing about "poking" on Facebook, no babies are created.
I will be back in 5 minutes, if I am not then please read this again! :D
On Mondays I like to reply to all my bosses emails with `unsubscribe`
Studies show that people with high sex drives also tend to be very forgetful. Did I tell you guys that already?
snooze button, becuase all I need after 8 hours of sleep, is a nap
I thought there was a spider on the rug, but it was just some yarn. It’s dead yarn now, though.
Some people repeat themselves when they`re drunk & some people repeat themselves when they`re drunk.
I haven`t seen any new episodes of Gilligan`s Island in awhile... I hope they`re OK.
If you cry loudly enough, your boss will usually let you go home.
According to my current parking spot I`m a physician.
The sad part about seeing any shopper at Walmart with a blue tooth, is that normally it is that shopper`s only tooth.