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When does hibernation start? Because I am 100% participating in that.
Does the sleeve tat go with my male pattern baldness and pot belly? Asking for a friend.
Simply amazing how one word spoils the whole sentence: I’m getting laid.....off.
went to see the conjuring, and now there`s 10 crosses, four bibles, and a poster of Chuck Norris in my room.
I’ve discovered, the easiest way to change a flat tire is by not wearing a bra.
I had the greatest bowel movement at 2am......unfortunately I woke up at 8am (<>..<>)
Why is it that when you work very hard, you say you are working like a dog? Every dog I`ve ever known is lazy and sleeps 16 hours a day.
Helpful Tip: Dont laugh when the cop says penal system ... oh and I need bail money again.
Admit it, you have that one voice that you only use on animals and babies.
If you go for a jog and you don`t post it on Facebook, have you really jogged?
Pointing out the food you just dropped on the floor to your dog because you`re too lazy to clean it.
It`s not hotter this year. It`s just that you are fatter and there is more surface area for the sun to hit.
Over 400 billion people a year are victims of exaggerated statistics.
I’m going to start wearing Summer’s Eve as a cologne. The vast majority of beautiful women seem to be attracted to douches.
LSD makes users lose weight ... That makes sense. It`s kinda hard to get to the fridge when there`s a dragon guarding it.