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No, I didn`t say I was a taxidermist. I said, I can stuff your beaver.
Home is where the pants aren`t.
Happy "Another excuse to drink" Day!
Girls are like roads, the more curves, the more dangerous they are.
I’m not saying don’t trust the internet but there’s an alarming discrepancy between the number of ipads I’ve won & the number of ipads I own.
Do gun manuals haue a trouble shooting section?
Famous words from Fergie... "Boom Boom Pow!" Happy 4th of July!!
It`s so frustrating when your hitman doesn`t answer the phone after you`ve made amends with someone
That Awkward Moment when you’re being sarcastic and someone believes you.
Ladies and Gentleman, I`ve traveled a long way, crossed many bridges, fought my way through countless obstacles, all to bring you this one sad truth about life. There`s never enough beer.
This relationship is going to be weird if you keep pretending I`m not your boyfriend.
My internet was down for almost 4 mins,im ok but the 911 operator was a total b**ch about it!
Damn girl, are you a Snickers bar because you`re so sweet and satisfying and surprisingly hard and hold on, are those nuts?
I am really getting tired of every time I go out people use me for my body. You know, to shade them from the sun and all.
Sharks aren’t so bad. If some stranger entered my house wearing only a Speedo, I would probably attack him too.