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Most problems can be solved with nudity
Whenever I open my fridge, my dog looks at me with a puzzled look and he thinks: Why don’t you eat all the food?
It isn`t a successful BBQ until an intoxicated idiot runs face first into a sliding glass door. I`m fine by the way.
I had been dreaming about eating a giant marshmallow, when I woke up my pillow was gone! :O
You mean.. people run? On purpose? When nobody is chasing them?
If anyone every texts me “who is this” I always respond “Jake from state farm”
Time is precious ... waste it wisely!
Sleep is for people with no internet connection.
I`m starting to think that some of you are misspelling words on porpoise.
I say if you can`t come up with anything nice to say then post it on Facebook.
I’m just gonna let my pillow decide my hairstyle for tomorrow.
My goal today is to turn actions into thoughts.
She texted me: "Your adorable.". I replied: "No, you`re adorable." Now she thinks I like her. All I did was point out her typo!
How Big is Infinity?
Does anybody know how to disable the autocorrect feature on my wife ?