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What`s it called when you always have a sweet tooth, but it`s only for booze?
My entire life is a “you had to be there” moment.
I`m on this great new diet called "sleep through breakfast"
Is that a selfie or did you just photobomb a picture of your filthy bathroom?
Dating should be like buying a car... You should get to talk to the previous owners! SHOW ME THE MANFAX
Just did a weeks worth of cardio after walking into a spider`s web.
i just peed so hard that I laughed a little bit
I was blown away when I realised the word " OK " is a side ways person.
My therapist doesn`t believe in werewolves so I left my last session with more problems than when I arrived.
Warning: forgetting what pocket your keys are in may result in the Macarena.
Was hating my job until I drove past a grown man dressed as a Taco on the side of the road. Thanks again Perspective.
It costs over $235,000 for parents to raise a child today. And that`s just for the alcohol.
Picking your nose doesn`t make you a bad person. .... but what you do with the booger will define you.
I have good taste, I just don`t have the money to prove it.
I’m totally fine with favoritism as long as I’m the favorite.