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I’m not drunk, I’m just exhausted from drinking all night.
When someone is in a bad mood, I like to help matters by pointing out several times that they seem to be in a bad mood.
It’s embarrassing that 90% of my Google history is just words I wasn’t sure how to spell, and yes I googled embarrassing.
The circus may no longer come to town but at least we’re guaranteed to always see a few clowns in Washington.
If you believe in reincarnation then your tombstone should say “b.r.b” instead of “r.i.p”.
I feel like there should be more breakfast beers on the market.
I wonder if people that live in Hawaii have screensavers of bumper to bumper traffic?
Its amazing how many people respond to "Hey Dumba$$!"
Well, it`s easy to tell I`m single. It`s Saturday night and I`m at home updating my facebook status...
When Miley is naked & licks a hammer it’s “art” & “music” ... but when I do it, I`m “wasted” & “have to leave Home Depot"
"It`s not about who`s right or wrong."~ The person that is wrong
Card on top of gift reads `I want you wearing this tonight` only to open the gift to find NOTHING
And remember friends, condoms aren`t always protective....my friend was wearing one and he fell down the stairs
I just lost my mood ring, I don`t know how I feel about that.
I’m over the 30-day ab challenge ... Is there a 30-day nap challenge I can take on?