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The sun shouldn`t be allowed to come out until after your hangover.
True love doesn`t care about the look or size of your wallet, it`s all about what`s inside ..... the wallet.
great minds and dirty minds have something in common, they think alike
I swear, watching people at a 4-way stop sign is like watching `Night at the Roxbury.` "Him? Me? Oh Me? Me or Him?"
I`m a bad multitasker and even a questionable monotasker
I feel sorry for historians, they have such a hard time letting go of the past.
Despite the old saying, "Don`t take your troubles to bed", many women still sleep with their husbands.
Sometimes I just wish people were as easy to forget as PIN numbers.
Never forget that we live in a world in which it is easier to get out of a marriage than a mobile-phone contract.
Judging by the amount of times I accidently cut myself on sharp objects it`s probably just as well real lightsabers aren`t available yet.
Buying a smart car seems like a good idea until you hit a squirrel and flip over a few times.
69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.
Does this couch I`m laying on make me look unmotivated?
I will never repeat filthy rumors. So listen closely the first time.
Yesterday I fell off a 50 foot ladder. It`s probably a good thing I was on the bottom step...