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Dear automatic flushing toilet. I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I wasn`t quite finished...
Why don’t we just take the safety labels off of everything and let this stupidity problem solve itself?
Whenever I open my fridge, my dog looks at me with a puzzled look and he thinks: Why don’t you eat all the food?
If we agree, I`m probably being sarcastic ... Or I`m drunk
Let`s all play a game: For every political post, you must post 5 non political posts. #makefacebookhappyagain
Remember to make some bad decisions today. 20 years from now that’s all you’ll have to make your kids think you’re cool.
If you’re having second thoughts, you’re two ahead of most people.
Of course I`m a good mother ... They`re still alive aren`t they.
I take so many things with a grain of salt that I`m surprised I don`t have high blood pressure.
Just think of how different the world would be if Noah had eaten those two chickens.
Not sure yet why this cookie dough has baking instructions on the package.
I liked your facebook update, only so I can unlike it.
Good job on the speed traps, cops – How are the murderer traps coming along?
It`s called fall because everything is falling; leaves, temperature, bank account, gpa, motivation...
My credit score is so bad I have started receiving pre-declined credit card offers