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Does the Food Network deliver?
I joined weight watchers last month, so far I lost 38 dollars...
Has anyone ever seen a gorilla in the mist? Some of the local drivers struggle to see my car in perfect daylight conditions, so I doubt that they`d spot a Gorilla in limited visibility!!!!!
Saw my Ex with some guy at a bar last night... so I ordered a beer, took a few sips then gave her date the rest of my drink... Walked away.
How many divorced guys does it take to change a lightbulb?...........Who cares, they NEVER get the house anyways.
Flies only live for 24 hours.. Except for the ones that get in your house. Those bastads live forever.
Job interview: Please tell us why you’d love to work for us? ME: I need money :)
I`ve been struggling with my laziness. I can`t decide if I should sit down and do nothing or lie down and do nothing.
When they say all expenses paid, does that include bail?
I`m not lazy, I just rest before I get tired
When I have to make a difficult decision in life I think what would grandma do, then I leave home in my nightie & shout at random strangers.
I have to stop saying "How stupid can you be?" I think people are taking it as a challenge.
I hate when you tell someone you’re bored, and they suggest getting together. Then you have to explain that you’re not quite that bored.
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance... The five stages of waking up.
1. Pour milk on floor. 2. Ask which kid did it. 3. Send them to their rooms when they don`t admit it. 4. Enjoy peaceful evening.