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When I was little we didn`t have emojis. We had to put smiley face stickers on handwritten letters like a bunch of savages.
The bible says you can`t buy your way into heaven but there isn`t a church in the country that won`t encourage you to try.
You can pretty much text anything as long as you put a happy face emoticon afterwards. You`re a slut :)
I like it like that
*accidentally answers phone call* ... *pretends to be answering machine*
Pro tip: when you`re watching a show like "my five wives" with your wife, don`t suggest potential additional wives.
It takes one slow walking person in the grocery store, to remove the illusion that I`m a nice person.
Why can`t the ice cream man just get a freakin liquor license already
I used to think i was good at multi-tasking. Turns out its just my multiple personalities doing one task at a time.
Smile, it´s the second best thing you can do with your lips.
I`d fight a bear for you. Well, not a grizzly or a brown bear. But maybe like a care bear. I`d fight one of those sonsabitches for you.
Breaking news: Newt saw his shadow. Six more weeks of campaigning and attack ads.
If anybody out there happens to have my voodoo doll, can u please scratch my balls. I happe to be in a public place at the moment.
Just sneezed 8 times in a row and saw the entrance to Narnia for a split second.
i dont have drain bramage.