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They should make a medal for anyone who uses an entire tube of chapstick without losing it.
can´t seem to find love. but its okay. I know exactly where the beer is.
It`s crazy that your brain can calculate where to put your hand to catch a 98 mph fastball... But won`t keep your mouth shut when a woman is angry
Talking to you makes me invent new swear words.
I am a little worried that every "evacuation route" sign is leading away from my house.
Keychains were invented so that you can lose all of your keys at once.
If you think about it,, Batman was pretty lazy about naming all his stuff.
Maybelline claims to make eyelashes appear three times longer…..I think they should start making condoms.
Having sex is like doing FRACTIONS... It`s IMPROPER for the larger one to be on top.
It`s hard to trust people. Even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs.
scratch here ¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦ to reveal my status
People who say "I hate to bother you" need to learn to hate it a little bit more.
It only takes a few seconds to show someone how you feel about them,The police call it indecent exposure but whatever...
I once dated a Rockette with Tourette`s. Talk about kicking and screaming!
I’m dedicating this status update to all the status-less people out there. Stay strong.