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Boobs are a lot like train sets, they were meant for kids, but dad always ends up wanting to play with them.
I just can’t stop thinking of all the people who signed my yearbooks that I have let down by failing to “stay cool”
I watched my first Porn the other day. I looked so much younger back then!
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning.
I bought my mother in-law one of those atomic clocks. I can`t wait for the alarm to go off.
Why do hospitals need to advertise? It`s not like I`m going to go to Home Depot instead.
I simply haven’t seen enough solid evidence that suggests not drinking is better than drinking.
Nothing is more heartbreaking than unappreciated sarcasm!
My life may be a mess but at least I didn`t make a harlem shake video.
When people tell me that I’ve changed, I want to shake them and tell them: “And so should you!”
If you are going to write in the dust on my car, please dont date it
I think my “check engine” light has finally burned out. So that’s good.
i just fell off a 20ft ladder.. good thing I was on the first step.
I turned out ok for a kid raised in a large part by Bugs Bunny.
I purposely cry while cutting carrots so onions don`t think they`re ugly or something.