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People who are about to tell you something then say "never mind" are the reason why I sometimes admire serial killers
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words... words might hurt me deeply, causing great emotional, mental, and psychological damage leading toward a lowered self-esteem and irregular bowel movements.
Some relationships are like fat people, they don`t Workout!!
Having a favorite homeless person is weird, right?
If you´re a millionaire and you don´t have trampoline floors or a giant slide that goes from your bed to an olympic sized indoor pool, then you should just give me all of your money because you´re wasting it.
My workout plan really only consists of me wandering around in parking lots because I forgot where I parked...
People should be loved. Things should be used. Unfortunately, we have it backwards
I know you`re supposed to have 3 balanced meals a day, but how many can I have at night?
It’s not that I don’t want kids, it’s just that I don’t want a minivan.
When I found out my toaster wasn`t waterproof, I was shocked!
I have no idea what a bejeezus is,,, but apparently mine scares easy.
Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake a whole relationship.
I am proud to say that I have completed the 1st item on my bucket list... I got the bucket
I got up this morning and think I saw my shadow. I´m going back to bed for six weeks.
Just hired two Private Investigators to follow each other. I`ll keep you posted......