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PRINCIPAL: are you the new english teacher? TEACHER: yes i are.
Don`t date guys from the internet. The last guy said he lived in a gated community. Prison, he meant prison.
Didn’t have internet on my phone for the past few hours. Finally graduated, got married, lost some weight, read 17 books and showered.
Hell is an endless cycle of getting comfortable in bed & then suddenly having to pee.
The real trouble with reality is that there´s no background music
Man, that .01% of germs that can´t be killed by hand sanitizer must be some bad a$$ sh!t
Life is what happens when you’re not looking at a screen.
Do you know what’d look good on you? Me
Euphoria....the feeling you get when you finally beat "that" level on Candy Crush.
I seem to start my day backwards. I wake up tired and I go to bed wide awake.
Wife: give me money I want to buy a bra. Husband: you`ve got nothing to put in them. Wife: you wear shorts
Life is like “Facebook” – People will like your problems & comment; But no one will solve them because everyone is busy updating theirs.
Fact: Pornos aren`t based on actual events.
Is it even possible to calmly walk away from a dark basement?
I am really getting tired of every time I go out people use me for my body. You know, to shade them from the sun and all.