Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Optimism? Sure, it`s worth a try. I don`t see how acting like an eye doctor is gonna help, but whatever.
I inboxed a girl on Facebook and she never replied. I guess you could say we`re `seen` each other.
Watching a funny movie after watching a scary one too try to reduce the risk of nightmares.
My imaginary friend is bullying me.
It’s impossible to bring up life insurance with your spouse without it seeming like you plan to have them whacked.
If you`re going to be stupid, don`t do it on Facebook.
No matter how bad your day seems, just remember that someone out there has to clean the bathroom at Taco Bell.
Alcohol is like laxatives for constipated thoughts. The more you drink, the more sh!t that comes out your mouth.
Just found out I`m pregnant. At least that`s what this expectant mother sign for my parking spot says.
If the people in horror movies would just listen to me, they would still be alive!
With all the botched executions lately, it has been suggested that we bring back the guillotine. But if we do that I`m sure heads will roll.
Somethings are best unsaid but my brain to mouth filter has never worked right.
Are you supposed to wear the fanny pack over the gut or underneath it? I don`t want to look like a dork.
One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and too stubborn to ask for directions.
If Welch’s is 100% Grape Juice, then why the heck do you list 4 other ingredients?