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I`m terribly sorry but I have decided not to grow up and act my age after all. So there.
Boobs are to men what laser pointers are to cats.
You health nuts are gonna feel real stupid when you`re laying in the hospital dying of nothing.
My friend told me that bigamy was having one wife to many. I thought that was called monogamy.
Amazing how many people just stroll into tattoo parlors and say “Give me the dumbest thing you can think of.”
Non alcohilic beer, for people who like to pee but hate that annoying buzz.
I have NEVER faked a sarcasm in my life ;)
No, I would not like to join your exclusive membership rewards club. I’m buying a sandwich.
Fish who are caught and released are like the aquatic equivalent of people who claim to have been abducted by aliens.
I would have a girlfriend but finding someone who likes to be ignored is hard.
If you can afford a gym membership, you can afford deodorant.
When you turn 21, you can legally do all the things you`ve been doing since you were 15.
Isn`t it weird when a cop drives by you feel paranoid instead of protected.
I am really glad the shutdown is over. I`ll tell you something, it was very lonely being the only nonessential employee who was working.
Well, if you`re going to question my reputation and credentials as a gynecologist,I suggest you get the hell out of my office van.