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I just found out that checking your credit score actually LOWERS your credit rating. Seriously? That`s like every time you look in the mirror, you get a little bit uglier.
Is beer cheaper off the kids menu
Whoever figured out the `days of the month correspond with your knuckles` thing had too much time on their hands
Just been wondering what "please Do Not Touch" would be in Braille
I bet everyone in Gotham prisons really hates the guy that killed Bruce Wayne`s parents.
Today`s Generation: "Omg my parents never let me have anything." via iPhone
I got passed by a Prius on the Interstate and now Iām legally required to pee sitting down.
"If your father asks you to pick up 5 large bags of ice, the best place to put them is in the backyard in direct sun" ~ My son apparently
I`m going to start carrying fireworks in my car because sometimes my horn just isn`t enough
feels guilty for not spending more time with my kids. I should really get them a Facebook account.
Sorry I missed your call. I took too long to answer because I was dancing to the ringtone.
The majority of Americans support sending Congress to Syria.
Helpful Tip: Use a tortilla as a lap napkin so you can still eat all the food you spill
Water is the most essential element of life, because without water, you can`t make coffee.
Just saw a coyote next to the highway... I hope this tunnel ahead isn`t just painted on.