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If you live in a custom-built house that doesn’t have a secret room hidden behind a fake bookcase, then seriously what is the point?
My worst fear is seeing one of my statuses marked as "exhibit A"
Dude, I can`t post AND know when the light turns green. I`m pretty, not magical.
thinking men should come with a carfax....
You`re either part of the solution, or you`re one of my coworkers.
If your boyfriend answers your text while playing GTA, he doesn`t love you. He just died on the game.
Girl says to her Blonde friend, I slept with a Brazilian man last night. The Blonde replies: OMG you SLUT! How many is a Brazilian??
My Life Alert bracelet says.....: I`m Just Napping
Good friends don’t let you do dumb things… alone.
So it turns out being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.
Keep the dream alive, hit the snooze button.
"Hey bro shotgun this beer" No I don`t drink "You wanna be cool don`t you?" I don`t drink "C`mon NERD!" Grandma PLEASE stop
Women fall in love by what they hear. Men fall in love by what they see. That’s why most women wear makeup and most men lie.
I hope daylight savings time doesnt throw me off my schedule of doing nothing.
Fitness? More like, fitness whole pizza in my mouth.