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Funny how things change with time, I used to hate spankings.. ;)
What do you call a dog with no hind legs? Dragon Balls.
Get at least eight hours of beauty sleep, 9 if you`re ugly.
Its all sh!ts and giggles until someone giggles and sh!ts
You tell me I`m crazy, the voices tell me I`m not. 4 against 1, so........
I`m no mathlete, but I CAN tell you that a 6 y/o running at 8 mph chasing an ice cream truck moving at 10 mph flies 7.4 ft if you trip him.
I was at the pool today and tried to sneak a quick pee in the deep end. The lifeguard must have seen me. He blew his whistle so loud that I almost fell in.
No matter how old you are, If a little kid shoots you with a toy gun, you pretend to die.
There needs to be more “damn it I missed my exit” exits.
Why don`t you slip into something more comfortable, like a coma
If I owned a copy shop, I’d only hire identical twins to work there.
My girlfriend left the lights on, on her Smart Car last night. This morning I had to jump start it with my Android.
Never underestimate a woman`s ability to make you feel responsible and guilty for her mistakes.
Do you guys remember 10 years ago, when all the people with gluten allergies were dying in the streets like diseased cattle?
I`m not getting married till Pizza Hut allows gift registry.