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A baby`s laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds you will ever hear, Unless it`s 3am. And you don`t have a baby, And you`re home alone.
Today I broke my personal record for most consecutive days lived.
Separating the men from the boys, one mood swing at a time.
I like to keep my friends close, and my attractive friends even closer.
The United States is probably the only country in the world where people need energy drinks to sit in front of a computer all day.
I´m a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!
High fiving was the original "like".
The truth is, men put the lids on jars that tight so you’d need us, we’re not that stupid.
6 inch - about right, 7 inch - cant complain, 8 inch - f*cking perfect, 9 inch - a bit much, 10 inch - its hurting my insides, 11 inch - I cant take it anymore, 12 inch - I`m absolutely f*cking destroyed ... Aren`t pizza`s just awesome.
Dwjxdjdhjfrjfjhrha! Sorry--you will get a more coherent status update AFTER I`ve had my coffee!
I`m not lazy, I just rest before I get tired
To the dude I just saw driving a beat up Ford mini van with spare tire and dream catcher on mirror: that dream catchers not working dude!
My mother is my travel agent for guilt trips.
They say do what you love & the money will follow. I love doing nothing. We`ll see.
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!