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The only "B" word you should call a woman is "beautiful"... B!tches love being called beautiful.
You know why you like me ... Cause your f*ckin crazy too!!!
I tend to avoid things that make me look fat. You know like scales, mirrors and photographs
I really need a day between Saturday and Sunday.
I prefer to be crazy and happy rather than normal and bitter......
New Years - the only day where its socially acceptable to drink this early.
Can I have a free unlimited day trial of being attractive?
If watching the big-screen TV with your pants off and a bag of Doritos is wrong, then they shouldn’t have couches at this Best Buy
If your cup is only half full, you probably need a smaller bra.
Damn you auto correct mind your business.
Worrying: a waste of imagination.
Nothing embarrasses a psychic more that throwing them a surprise party.
I wish I had Dora`s mom and dad, they let that girl go everywhere.
Good news everyone – my proctologist called and all the tests were negative. Bad news - his ring is missing...
I asked my wife if we could get a hot young nanny. Of course she got mad and said "No!". For one thing, we don`t have any kids...