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There are no limits to what you can accomplish when you are suppose to be doing something else.
Attn Single people: If marriage was so great, there would be 6 people on the internet right now.
The home cooked pizza box says to cook the pizza between 14 and 16 minutes. That`s 15 minutes, right? I`m not reading too much into it?
If she can cook like her mother and drink like her father, she`s a keeper.
I wish I could write `` I Miss You `` on a rock and throw it at your face, so you can know how much it HURTS to miss you
It`s scientifically proven the more you shut up then the less likely I am to punch you in the face.
Damn you auto correct mind your business.
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Any time you feel lonely, remember, its your fault nobody likes you.
I wish I had the balls to be a juggler.
I don’t have a bad handwriting, I have my own font.
If a group of midgets performed the YMCA song, it is to be considered that they did it in lowercase?
I got a new high score today ... Sadly, it was on my bathroom scale
I bet if you look up dictionary in the dictionary it says "don`t be an a$$hole"
My Wife asked, "Would you like a romantic interlude?" I said, "Does a bear crap in the woods?". Wish I`d just said `Yes`, she`s been on Google ever since.