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Please either stop being so attractive or make out with me, it`s your choice.
Was sitting, doing nothing. Then I realized I could be sitting and doing nothing on Facebook. So here I am.
If you`re reading this then I`m wishing you a Happy New Year! Stay safe, have fun, and remember, I like New Years gifts too!
If I suddenly had the ability to teleport, I’d spend an entire day popping up naked in front of people and asking for John Connor.
I drink because people talk.
“I” before “E” especially after “P”. Mmmm pie
Sometimes, I wonder if the weather app on my phone even looks outside.
If you win a years supply of calendars, you would only win 1 calendar.
If you`re going to be two faced, at least make one of them pretty
You might call it ‘whipped.’ I call it `guy who’s getting laid.’
Why do they even offer 2014 as an option when selecting your birth date? Like you’re fresh out of the womb ready to join Gmail.
Haircuts are great because I did none of the work but get all of the credit.
Sometimes when I`m home alone I like to fill my bathtub with spaghetti and pretend I`m a meatball.!
i wasnt that drunk * "bro, you destroyed my mothers garden while screaming F*CK FARMVILLE!"*
Mail from Grandma: FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:No subject