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Whenever I see people doing sign language, I assume they are discussing the best way to murder the rest of us and steal our ears.
Hunting is easier for vegans because it’s easier to sneak up on plants.
Behind every great woman there is a man who loves doggystyle.
The cable company told me they would send a guy out and I need to be home between the hours of 1pm and 2015.
Shout out to bees, willing to kill themselves just to inconvenience a hater.
I am one of those people who presses every button in the elevator when I`m getting out =]
Alcohol increases the Send Button size by 89%.
I will stop drinking when Captain Morgan puts his foot down.
PRO TIP: If you see a woman crying, never ask if its because of her hair.
Rap Music is like Scissors…It always loses to Rock.
I Like this quote. I dislike this quote. I am so clever that sometimes I don´t understand a single word of what I am saying.
Being gay is fine. Being lesbian is fine. Being straight is fine. But do you know what’s not fine? Wearing crocs. That is NOT okay
Played hide and seek today. I was winning until the cops let the K9 off of the leash.
You win some, you lose some...unless you`re me, then you win them all.
Be nice to a nerd. Prevent a supervillain.