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I put my phone on airplane mode, and it dragged me out of my seat.
I was feeling down...then all of a sudden I felt myself up. Win, win situation! ;)
I do 5 sit-ups every morning. No, it doesn`t sound like much, but there`s only so many times you can press the snooze button.
People should be loved. Things should be used. Unfortunately, we have it backwards
We have GPS that can navigate you across the country. Why can`t someone invent a device that can remind you why you went into a room?
Going to tattoo shop to get both legs fully covered. Before he touches me with that needle, I run off yelling `thanks for the free shave loser!`
What do you get when you cross a pitbull with a computer? I don`t really know but when it megabytes, it megahertz
Being an adult is the worst idea ever.
Twinkle twinkle little star, I want to hit you with my car.
You know its Monday when your left eye wont open and your right eye is twitching.
love a girl with a trimmed bush because it makes it easier to see into her window at night.
WebMD auto dialed an ambulance when I entered my chicken nugget intake.
I dont hate you but, if you put `just about to jump off a cliff` as your facebook statuses i would poke you
I drink my coffee out of a clear mug so people know where my tolerance level is at.
Being married is like having the freedom to do whatever your wife tells you.