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My level of sarcasm is to the point where I don`t even know if I`m kidding or not.
When you`re trying to change the channel on the tv, and the remote starts ringing, you`re probably drunk.
I really shouldn`t have driven home from the bar last night. ..Especially since I walked there. :)
Sleeping alone is a complete waste of my sexual talent.....
Everybody stop what you`re doing and play with crayons!! Enjoy the day
Do you ever notice that when you´re driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?
Two things I am thankful for: 1: Family and friends. 2: Caller ID, so I can avoid certain family and friends.
Orange Hi-C counts as a serving of fruit, right?
Facebook looks so boring on the outside, but once you start using it, its like NARNIA BRO!
What idiot named them nostrils instead of scent vents?
The worst part of being an insomniac is having to eat spiders while I’m awake to maintain my yearly average.
So last night I put a whopee cushion on moms chair, waited and finally heard it go off.. I walk in with a massive smile on my face to find out that she hadn`t even sat on it yet.
It took me quite some time to be this good a procrastinator
If tomatoes are classed as a fruit, then doesnt that mean that ketchup is technically a smoothie? ... hmmm
This Facebook is my serious account. The funny one is my bank account.